My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. This is absolutely terrifying. I felt the need to do something and settled on the idea of a prayer shawl.

I found a pattern and purchased some yarn. I began my project. And then I stopped because it’s a prayer shawl, it needs a prayer, right? But I’m an agnostic that doesn’t believe in a God(s) so who do I pray to? I began looking for vague, non-religious prayers to say. While I’m an agnostic that doesn’t believe in a higher power I do believe in energy, nature, and things unseen. There is more going on in the world than what we can see and understand. I believe that if I think something hard enough, spend enough energy envisioning what I want, I can somehow make it happen. Even help with my mother’s cancer. It’s something, right?

May you be well.
May you be cleansed and purified
Of all that isn’t health.
May every cell in your body
Wake up and fight
May the powerful light of healing
Move into every part of you.
May you return to being purely you.
May you be well.

-Joanna fuchs

So, I’m knitting, and I’m praying to myself, “May you be well, may you be well, may you be well,” and I wonder if I could make this shawl better. And I find myself wishing that I had some sort of crystal to touch as I go. Just something smooth and soothing that I could occasionally stroke to help focus my thoughts. I know that certain crystals signify different things so after a bit of research I order myself a small set of crystals: clear quartz, rose quartz, and amethyst, to keep in my bag along with the shawl.

I wonder then, after the crystals have been acquired, would it help if I burnt a candle while I worked? Would some sort of oil in a diffuser help? Would music help? Or herbs? Or time of day? Or the phase of the moon?

And then I realize what I’m doing, quite by accident, completely on my own just because a whisper of voice deep inside me tells me that this might help. That what I need is inside me, I just need to access it.

This is witchcraft.